I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
