he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
