You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
