I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
