Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
