My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
