I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
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Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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