i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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