So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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