I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
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He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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