so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
