My sheets look like a crime scene.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
