My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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