You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
