im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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