end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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