bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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