Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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