You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
