Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
