were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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