3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
