STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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