Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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