why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
