Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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