I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
