she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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