it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
