i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
