After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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