He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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