the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
