All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
no, he came in my armpit
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
