so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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