he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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