My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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