Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
