Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
