We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
