I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
