is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
