There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
