I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
