he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
FUCK WHALES
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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