i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
