what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
