I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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