last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
