Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
