Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
