Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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