Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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