He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
