totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
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I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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