Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Fuck appropriateness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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