I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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