Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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