why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
